I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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