im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
