Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
