haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
