so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
