I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
