She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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