i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
