she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
