Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do vagina's smell?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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