1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
