He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
