She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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