remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize