I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
