Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
