theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
