I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
