So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
