my mouth tastes like poor choices
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hippo gnu deer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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