For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
