why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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