Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
