Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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