her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
