honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
