Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
