Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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