No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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