So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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