Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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