I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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