when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
