Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
