IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
