i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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