That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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