Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
