i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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