I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
