Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
