im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
