her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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