I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
