look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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