you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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