Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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