you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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