So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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