wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Randomize
