This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
