hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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