lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
