She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
