Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
