We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
