He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
