I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Text me some of your sweat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
