hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
