I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
