Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
