the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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