Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
