I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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