I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
