Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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