I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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