yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
