i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
