uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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