I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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