Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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