ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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