He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
