So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
