he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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