My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
