No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
