You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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