it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drake has all the answers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
