Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
