Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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