I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
