Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
