She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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