saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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