Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
