she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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